10 January 2008

Here's a Jamaican Joke!

I'm getting tired of all this serious stuff that's been on my blog and I thought I would share a joke that made me laugh. It is written in the Jamaican patois and makes full use of the Jamaican swear words so if you get offended (in the style of Martin Willett) f**k off!!
No seriously - I'm going to lighten up and try and forget those theists who irritate me as they do things like spend their time 'grooming' children to convert them to their made-up belief systems by buying them chocolate and 'candies'. I'm sure I will continue to have great conversations with those who believe in the supernatural (some of the comments I receive from people I cannot publish as most want to have private conversations with me - thank you!) and my main aim is to share views - full stop. But I want to talk about other things and I thought it would be good to break the seriousness with a joke I read recently.

Anyway, here's The Jamaican Lawyer Joke:
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In a recent trial, a Mandeville prosecuting lawyer called to the witness stand his first witness, a grand motherly, elderly woman named Miss Ivy.

The lawyer approached her and asked, "Miss Ivy, do you know me?’’

She responded, "Why, yes of course me know you, Mr. Williams. Me know yu since yu was a likkle pissen tail pickney, and wata big disappointment yu is to yu fambily. Yu is a ole liard, yu cheat pan yuh wife, yuh chat people bizniz, and yuh red-eye, grudgeful and licky-licky. Yu tink yu is a big shot now but yu no realize seh yu will never amoun to nuttin more Dan a Two-bit paper pusher! Yes, me know yuh very well alright!!"

The Lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Miss Ivy, do you know the defense lawyer?"

She looked over at the defense lawyer and replied, "Of course, me know Mr. Bradley since him was a likkle bwoy too. Him lazy, and good-fe-nutten, him boasy, and him always a gwaan like him white. Him caan build nuh normal Relationship with any ooman. Fe him law practice a di worse eena Jamaica. Him chat nuff, him a ole teef, him dutty and narsty. A tree different ooman an four man me hear seh him a grine undah covah, an one a di ooman dem a fi yu missis (points at juror member)!!
Yes sah, me know him well."

The defense lawyer almost died of embarrassment.
The judge ordered both counselors to approach the bench, and in a very quiet voice, said, "If eeda of you rassclaat bastard arks har if she know me, a gwine lock up oonu bumbo-claat eena jail fi contempt!."
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Funny! If you don't understand certain words - leave me a message and I will translate them so you get the giste! It helps if you understand the Caribbean psyche at least.

10 comments:

Simone said...

hehehehehe

Oh that is funny.

zowoco said...

Hey, y'know, lawyers being what they are, I think this joke be funny in any culture!

Janet Shan said...

That is very funny. As a Jamaican by birth, I can fully see a woman or man going off on a lawyer in court. That's funny!

Oli said...

LOL! Being of Jamaican descent, I SO got it =D

RE Ausetkmt / Mama ASID the Iriginal BadGal said...

Lawdamercy, Jah kno mi glad she nah kno who mi

bwoy along time mi nah hear no good joke like dis, so mi agwan link it

RE Ausetkmt said...

LARGE UP YA`SELF MI GIRL:
we're honoring this joke and listing your blog in our blogroll today in our sunday sermon.

thanks for being a must read, and for purchasing an ec ad from us early on. we were finally able to return the ad purchase today. it's a real pleasure to read your blog each day and to know that another Sista out there is 'Smart and Saavy on the keyboard'

You Go SistaGurl !

~RE
BadGalsRadio.com

Anonymous said...

I see why they are angry all the time hell them moth tid,,,mine was just to try it,lol

Anonymous said...

YOU ARE SO RETARDED, YOU KNOW THAT RIGHT?? WHY DOES IT AFFECT YOU IF PEOPLE WANT THEIR KIDS TO GO TO HEAVEN??.....ITS SAD THAT YOUR PARENTS WANTED YOU TO DIE IN HELL SO THEY NEVER TOLD YOU THE TRUTH ABOUT GOD. I NEVER USUALLY SAY STUFF LIKE THESE AND OFFEND PEOPLE BUT I CANT GET OVER HOW F****D YOU ARE. GET A LIFE AND STOP BLOGGING STUPID STUFF THAT TELL THE WORLD YOUTE RELIGOUS PEOPLE OR THAT YOU HATE YOURSELF FOR BEING BLACK!!!!!!! PATHETIC!!!!!!!

muyunga.blogspot.com said...

Thanks you made me understand Jamaican sense of humour!

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