Here's a Jamaican Joke!

I'm getting tired of all this serious stuff that's been on my blog and I thought I would share a joke that made me laugh. It is written in the Jamaican patois and makes full use of the Jamaican swear words so if you get offended (in the style of Martin Willett) f**k off!!

No seriously - I'm going to lighten up and try and forget those theists who irritate me as they do things like spend their time 'grooming' children to convert them to their made-up belief systems by buying them chocolate and 'candies'. I'm sure I will continue to have great conversations with those who believe in the supernatural (some of the comments I receive from people I cannot publish as most want to have private conversations with me - thank you!) and my main aim is to share views - full stop. But I want to talk about other things and I thought it would be good to break the seriousness with a joke I read recently.

Anyway, here's The Jamaican Lawyer Joke:

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In a recent trial, a Mandeville prosecuting lawyer called to the witness stand his first witness, a grand motherly, elderly woman named Miss Ivy.

The lawyer approached her and asked, "Miss Ivy, do you know me?’’

She responded, "Why, yes of course me know you, Mr. Williams. Me know yu since yu was a likkle pissen tail pickney, and wata big disappointment yu is to yu fambily. Yu is a ole liard, yu cheat pan yuh wife, yuh chat people bizniz, and yuh red-eye, grudgeful and licky-licky. Yu tink yu is a big shot now but yu no realize seh yu will never amoun to nuttin more Dan a Two-bit paper pusher! Yes, me know yuh very well alright!!"

The Lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Miss Ivy, do you know the defense lawyer?"

She looked over at the defense lawyer and replied, "Of course, me know Mr. Bradley since him was a likkle bwoy too. Him lazy, and good-fe-nutten, him boasy, and him always a gwaan like him white. Him caan build nuh normal Relationship with any ooman. Fe him law practice a di worse eena Jamaica. Him chat nuff, him a ole teef, him dutty and narsty. A tree different ooman an four man me hear seh him a grine undah covah, an one a di ooman dem a fi yu missis (points at juror member)!!
Yes sah, me know him well."

The defense lawyer almost died of embarrassment.
The judge ordered both counselors to approach the bench, and in a very quiet voice, said, "If eeda of you rassclaat bastard arks har if she know me, a gwine lock up oonu bumbo-claat eena jail fi contempt!."
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Funny! If you don't understand certain words - leave me a message and I will translate them so you get the giste! It helps if you understand the Caribbean psyche at least.